Chinese Food & It's Hold On Me

Today was the first time I can remember having a really hard time emotionally with food in a really really long time. The last time I think it was this bad was way back when I first started and realized that I was an emotional eater. 

What's funny (or not) this time is that it wasn't really that I wanted to eat. 

Today is Scott's parent's 65th Wedding Anniversary (how crazy is that?). 

(Let's pause to get an "aaahhhh" they looked so cute today in their matching flannel shirts!!)

We always offer to bring them dinner and usually cake and whatever on holidays and important dates so I told Scott to call them up and ask them what they would like for dinner and we would take it to them. 

And with that, my day totally got stressed out. I knew I wasn't going to eat it. I was ok with that. But yet for some reason inside it was messing with me. 

I did this little picture on instagram to remind myself of how far I've come. 

That girl on the left? She ate Chinese food at least once a week. Feeling sad? Have some Chinese! Feeling happy? Chinese food to celebrate!! 

That girl on the right? She hasn't had Chinese food since February 28th, 2012. Trevor's birthday last year. The weird thing is that I don't even miss it. But like the Girl Scout cookies it represents the fat girl in me. 

I just can't go there. 

I had been thinking of having it on my birthday and now I don't think I'll even do that. I don't need it. I don't miss it. I don't have to have it. 

After work I went home and went to the gym and beat up the fat girl inside. I did my weight lifting and instead of doing the elliptical like I usually do when I go to the gym I looked outside and it was still light out. So I went out the door and I ran. 

I ran down the long street and back. And it felt awesome.  I ran the fastest mile pace I have ever ran (well probably since Jr. High!). 

Take that fat girl!!

When I got in the car one of my favorite songs right now came on. 

I cannot hear that song without belting out "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!!!"

F'yeah!!

 Followed by what I call my theme song. Not going to lie, I cried when it came on.

 

And then I went home and called in the order for the food, we went and picked it up and then Scott and I went into Subway (he decided he'd eat it too, bless his heart!) and then when we got to his parents they ate Chinese food and we ate our Subway and  no one made a big deal about it and

I WON!!

And then I ate a brownie. 

Because you all know I'm not perfect but I'm still under calories for the day!